What am I taking in that holds me down?

Day 79 Flamingo:

I want to share with you a portion of today's reading from the Seasons of Change.

"I recognize today that the quality of my life and the world in which I live is based on the quality of what I take in, That which I feed myself mentally, spiritually, and physically creates the foundation of my life. I recognize that my outlook and perspective are based on what I think of myself. I recognize that I am most brilliant and powerful when I spread my wings and fly."

What am I taking in that holds me down?

I am made up of atoms which consist of protons, neutrons, and electrons. This energetic experience is whirling around at great speed waiting to see what I am going to pull into my life-force and what I choose to create next. How often do I allow the outside forces in my life to dictate what is going on within? I find that we have a tendency to allow the fears that we are hearing to become real. We pull this negative energy into our lives and literally give life to the very thing we feared.

I share with the Amor Spiritual Center this phrase "it is all made up anyway." Why not create something you want rather than something you fear? At my core, there is an energetic balance. A beautiful flow of protons and neutrons that make up who I am. It is when I pull into my core the negativity of the electrons that are moving around that I changed the balance of my life in a negative way. I want it to be some outside force that is responsible for what I am creating within my world, when in fact It is me pulling this energy in that transform what was balanced, and loving into something with a negative charge. When I make the statement, that we are responsible. I mean just that, we are responsible for everything!

I feel when we get to place where we recognize our responsibility and the makeup of our lives we find the power within. It is so easy to want someone else to be responsible so that we have someone to blame. In doing so we are giving our power to some force outside ourselves to create a life that is nothing like what we want to live. It is at this stage of our transformation that we recognize, and utilize the power we have within. Nature dose this every day. It recognizes its strength, and power to transform itself into its highest form. Regardless of what is happening around it, it understands that at the very core of its being are the building blocks of a brilliant existence. It uses these building blocks and creates day in and day out the very life that it wants to live.

Here in day 79 in this transformation process I recognize and understand the necessity of being responsible so that I can create the life that I want to live. Will you join me today?

Thank you,

I love you,

Rev Allen

Ask me how I know?

Day 78 Wisteria:

I want to start with a portion of today's reading in "Seasons of Change."

In life when we are developing a new pattern of behavior, a habit, we may consider ourselves tenderhearted and easily distracted, but as we stay the course and adjust our focus, we find our strength and stability in perseverance. We find that within a few seasons that the garden of our life has been transformed by our daily focus.

I shared with you a few days ago about this season of change penny campaign that we are doing at the Amor Spiritual Center. The principle behind this campaign is about creating a daily practice of meditation and how that compound over time (90 days) effects our lives. We often need some visual proof of the success of an experiment which is why we built-in the pennys as part of the experiment. It seems unfruitful that adding a penny a day will have any major effect on our lives. Yet I promise that if you do this experiment for 90 days and you carry $41 dollars worth of pennies to the bank to cash in you will understand at a deeper level the accumulative effect. If for no other reason the sheer weight of $41 dollars worth of pennies. The real miracle under all of this is that the quieting of our mind for 10 minutes a day will indeed have a profound impact on our lives. One of my she-ores puts it best when she asked the question "Ask me how I know?"

Every day we find concrete proof to back up the negative things in our lives. Every day we look for and find thousands of reasons why something will not work, or why we do not deserve something. It has become this huge negative habit we have as society created over time fueled by fear. We say we want change yet we keep reinforcing the negative pattern that is within our lives expecting it to somehow miraculously change and produce positivity. How is that even possible?

The practice of uninterrupted time, meditation, or contemplation is really getting to know yourself from the inside out. We think we're seeking this deep abiding spiritual connection with this divine entity that is the great Santa clause of life. When in fact what we are doing is recognizing the divinity within ourselves that is connected to this is amazing creative intelligence that is waiting to co-create a life beyond what we have ever created before. Not separate from, not judging whether we were good or bad, yet aligning with the truth of our word and making it so.

Just like the young wisteria vine is tender and vulnerable when first planted so, can be a new pattern of behavior when it is first began. In my teaching, I talk about the importance of doing something consistently for 21 days in order to create a new habit. If you want to bring it into your consciousness, you will need to consistently do it for 40 days. If you wish to transform your life you will have to be consistent with this behavior for 90 days.

Ask me how I know?

Think for a moment about nature how does it move from spring to summer? How does any one snow flake ever make a difference? How does a grain of sand create a beach? The thing that all of these have in common is the accumulative effect. One snowflake gathers with another snowflake creating a blizzard. One grain of sand washes up and collects with another grain of sand therefore making the beach. Each moment of life within nature living to the fullest each moment expressing itself to its greatest potential day after day until it shows up as the next season. So how can we learn from these brilliant and beautiful understandings that we see as evidenced every day of our lives? How can we take this information that is proven time and time again and use it to transform our lives from the inside out? How can we when everything on the outside of our lives is telling us that this won't work, or we are going to fail, or we are not good enough, or we are not smart enough, and instead believe in the innate core with in us that knows a truth that is greater than any other truth in the universe. I have within me in a field of infinite possibility to create anything I wish, why then would I not express myself most magnificently?

Learning to ride a bike, skate, ride a horse all takes consistency. Which is just another word for the accumulative effect. Better yet another word for habit. Each day of our lives we allow addictive habits in our lives to consume the very fiber of who we are when in fact within us is the power to transform anything from what it is to what we wish it to be. We first have to plant the seed of new beginning water it every day creating a new and beautiful habit of thriving, excelling, in our bodies. Rather than living from an old state of consciousness. Is today the day that you're willing to try something different and do it over and over again until it becomes the out picturing of your life?

I love you,

Thank you,

Rev. Allen

Amor Spiritual Center: You are WORTHY!

Amor Spiritual Center: You are WORTHY!: Day 77 Ivy: In today's reading, I mentioned several life lessons that I learned from my experience while cleaning and ivy bed....

You are WORTHY!

Day 77 Ivy:

In today's reading, I mentioned several life lessons that I learned from my experience while cleaning and ivy bed. One of those life lessons is "the lesson is always waiting to be revealed in every opportunity in life." Another is "I am worth the investment." One of the common denominators throughout my life was the willingness on my part to see that I was worth the investment. A great deal of my life I've been told by others and that I was disposable, unlovable, and worthless. I took this to be my truth for a great number of years which led me to live a life where I felt unlovable, unworthy, and as if I had no value. As I said to you many times before it took me a great deal of time to understanding that what someone else had done to me was part of my history, yet I was the one who continued to play this belief in my mind over and over again.

So much of my life I put all of the blame for every situation outside of myself. I've shared this truth with you before, yet feel the necessity to reiterate the importance of understanding the lesson that lies underneath it. Living in victim consciousness created such a horrific life's journey for me. Day after day my life was calling on me to reveal the unknown truth underneath all of those horrific things. My life was calling me to my higher consciousness. My higher self was calling for me to reveal the truth of who I was rather than live in the limited version that someone else had written for me. Time and time, again I would invite people into my life that would ensure that I continued the self-hatred, and self-loathing that I had learned all of those years ago.

I wish to express today that each step along the way was necessary for me to evolve into the person that I am today. There were more times than I can count where I ask myself is all of this worth it? Whether or not I would ever find love, happiness, and contentment? There were lonely nights of crying myself to sleep wondering what the river of tears ever end? There were endless questions of why does this continue to happen to me? There were the endless questions of why I invited this into my life? I do not know whether some of you have asked these questions of yourself or not? I'm guessing a great many of you have. It was when I started recognizing that there was this common central theme in all of the stories, that I began to understand my responsibility, and the opportunity at hand.

I begin to see that I was the common theme in each of the story lines. I was at the same time the victim and the villain. I no longer required someone to abuse me because I was abusing myself. I no longer needed someone to say I was worthless because I was telling that to myself. I no longer needed someone to tell me that my life would never amount to anything because I was so busy telling that to myself. I created this inward hell within my life. On the outside my world was brilliant, beautiful, perfect! Yet inside my world was crumbling and the very fibers of my being we're coming unraveled. My health began to decline and once again I found myself asking why? Time and again these health issues would arise making every possible effort to disclose the opportunity to rebuild, remodel, and restore my life. Yet I was so stuck in the belief pattern of unworthiness that I found myself unwilling to take the risk.

When I heard the diagnosis of aides followed within a few years of cancer I become willing to listen. As I've shared before in the journals within this book it was this cancer diagnosis that allowed me to crack the seed of possibility open within my life. It was a time of truth for me. It was the moment of self discovery. This life lesson had been waiting for me to discover that I was worth the investment. I was willing to walk through my fear to discover the brilliance of who I am. Through this journey I discovered how amazing, lovable, worthy I was of having everything that I had ever dreamed of and more. Were there moments where I questioned my worth, or where I was afraid? Absolutely! Yet, this new found freedom of worth and sefl loving was exhilarating and I continued the journey regardless of the destination. Somewhere within the two years of chemotherapy, endless CT scans, steroids, weight gain, endless surgeries I discovered how to love who I am.

Please understand me when I declare that it was worth every step of the journey. Somewhere in the midst of all of that I found Joy! I discovered that I was lovable and worthy of love. I discovered that I had a value. I discovered that loving myself was the best foundation of building any relationship based in love. It was through these series of life lessons that I learned that my life was not only worth living it was a giant beacon for everyone that I have ever met of self validation, and self worth. It was through this series of events that I understood at the deepest core level that my life was worth the investment. What had once been pristine and beautiful on the outside was now in utter chaos. Yet what had once been unraveling and on the brink of to extinction was now the solid foundation I needed to restore myself to wholeness. It was right at this moment that I understood as within, so without.

If you're reading this today, understand this. You are worthy! You deserve a life filled with love, compassion, more abundance than you could possibly hold. You are in the perfect place at this moment, reading this passage to begin the journey of your life. tYou can create an endless river of love within your life. You are WORTHY!

I love you,

Thank you,

Rev. Allen

What magnificence will you discover within yourself today?

Day 76, Crystals:

What if I looked for the divine in all things? What if I lived my life from a Namaste' experience? For a great deal of my life, I was so consumed with fear that I was unwilling to look at anything or anyone that didn't fit into my way of thinking. As you can imagine that path led to a very narrow way of seeing the world. Yet time and again, I couldn't understand why my family or friends was unwilling to love me for who I was. That which we put out comes back.

I grew up in a community that was often fueled by fear, anxiety, lies, and secrets. Yet it was all I knew. I remember a time of choice that I was given the opportunity to pass these secrets and lies down to another generation or break the cycle. I chose to educate and love. I chose to teach them about inappropriate behavior and to break a very violent cycle. I saw within this beautiful young soul such magnificence that I could not fathom repeating what had been perpetrated in my life. I wanted for them so much more than fear, anger and a lifetime of pain.

The journey I spoke about today in the Seasons of Change reading was a moment that helped me to start opening my life. I had finally found a place within myself that was willing to walk through the fear and feel my way to freedom. I had been so locked up in fear that I was unaware of the prison I had placed myself in. So often we live from a consciousness of hatred and anger at what someone else has said, or done, to us. We allow this act of hatred to consume us. We forget that we have a choice. For years, I lived my life in fear of being violated again so much so that I was unwilling to risk allowing anyone in. I was a successful manager of a thriving restaurant and yet if anyone brushed by me I would erupt in tears. I had chosen to allow my past to control all of my life and I placed myself in a constant state of flight.

One day while sitting in my office a member of the staff come in and asked was I ok? My answer was always "I'm fine!" This amazing person was in graduate school working on her masters in psychology. She asked could she give me some energy? I said no! She reminded me that I was magnificent, and I was worthy of love. I thanked her, excused her, and when about my business. A few days later I began to cry uncontrollably I found my way to her house and found myself knocking on her door crying hysterically. She asked me in and we began to talk. That was the beginning of one of the most amazing transformations in my life. We work together week after week letting go of the anger, resentment, and fear of the past. She reminded me week after week that it was my responsibility to negotiate my way to freedom. Her role was simply to stand with me along the journey.

Today when I sit with my clients I'll remind each and everyone one of them how brilliant they are. I remind them that it is their responsibility to find their way to freedom; but. I am happy to stand with them as they journey through this process. I remind them that we are in a safe space and that we can discuss anything they would like to discuss. I remind them that they are in a judgment free zone. If they feel stuck we just sit and wait. We're often so busy in a rush to get somewhere that we end up going nowhere. I've learned through a lifetime of expansion, and evolution that as much as I would love for someone from the outside to give me this freedom that I have been seeking. It is only when I walk the path for myself that I truly find that which I have been looking for.

What magnificence will you discover within yourself today that will allow you the courage to step through fear and find freedom?

I love you,

thank you,

Rev. Allen

What are the most extraordinary moments of your life?

Day 75: A walk in nature

How many times do we miss the miracle of the moment looking for something else? Yesterday I enjoyed sitting in on a conversation with Cheryl Richardson at the I can do it weekend in Seattle. How many times do we look outsides ourselves for joy, the ah ha moments only to find that when we experience them they are not as monumental as we had hoped.

What are the most extraordinary moments of your life? Last night I sat with my beloved remembering the moment I stood before my beloved on our wedding day. It was a day that I had dreamed of most of my life, and had created this dream wedding in my head with great pomp and circumstance. Yet, here I stood years later wearing my kilt standing next to this amazing human being with whom I could see forever in his eyes. The pageantry that I had planned all those years ago didn't matter. The only thing I wanted or needed at that moment was standing here looking into my eyes. As we boldly took that first step or our case a leap as we jumped the broom was greater to me that the first step on the moon. At that moment, everything else faded away as we stood there declaring our love for one another. That moment in time was the greatest moment of my life.

Why then do I seek this external form of validation from outside sources to make life somehow better?

As I shared in today reading my beloved creates and plans an amazing birthday adventure each year. As I stand there in the middle of each one of them thinking how is it possible for him to create anything better than this? Yet, somehow he finds a way to create magic year after year. The reason this works is my ability to be fully present in the moment, free of expectations. What that does is it free's me up to be present wherever I am. There is something extraordinary about having someone who loves you plan a day of adventure for you. It amazing seeing the love, planning, and details that has gone into the creation so that I could have a day filled with love and celebration. What if I lived each day like that? Knowing that there is a creative force that is working each day to create a day like that for me. What if I created such a relationship with myself and the creative source of all things? What if I spend each day with the same trust and love that I have for my beloved living in the present moment looking for all the magic that I could find?

We often wait for some celebrity or famous person to mark the moment as the best day of my life. What if I made this moment the best moment of my day, and now, and now, oh and now. I am often asked how do I create the loving relationship that I have with my beloved? I response I started with loving myself. When I finally realized the connection of loving myself to the fulfillment of loving others my whole world shifted. I become more present with the people in my life and the way I loved them. Each day I wake up with the knowingness that I have breakfast to make and lunches to put together. I wake with the intent to make this the best breakfast and lunch my honey could possibly have. We share our daily devotion, give thanks for the food, and for the amazing life we have. I pack up his lunch write a love note and send my honey off to work. I treasure those moments we spend together more and more each day. It is those everyday moments that create the life that is filled with the miracle and love. It is my intent to wake up and be fully present with another being that creates these moments that are filled with possibility.

Many of my clients tell me "that is way too much work". I respond. What work? It is all love.

What moments will you create today that take your breath away. Holding the hand of my beloved as we walk through the forest, walk on the beach, or sit at the base of a 1000 years old tree. Those are the moments that take my breath away. Do more of those things that set your soul on fire and create the life that you want to live rather than the life that someone told you that you should have. Live life boldly!

Thank you,

I love you,

Rev Allen 

Emotionally intelligent

Day 74: Blackberries

I have this brilliant friend who was speaking to me the other day about emotionally intelligent. About living our lives from a standpoint of emotional intelligence, and the art of being present. One of the things I think is of the utmost importance is to understand and live with the feeling of our emotions. Most of our lives we are so busy trying to live in one emotion why feeling another emotion all together. When we do that it confuses our emotional state of wellbeing. Most of us when happy are so busy trying to guard our happiness so that no one sneaks in and takes it away that we don't actually live in the state of happiness. We instead live in the emotion of fear, or anxiety of it going, or being taking away from us by some outside source. It is much the same with grief. We are often so busy trying our best to be strong, or hide our feelings so that others want feel sad that we really don't feel our emotions and we then label ourselves with depressed or in despair.

Emotions are fluid they are designed to support up in our fluidity. So many times in life we are told to focus on the positive that we overlook that all emotions are good. It is our judgement and the judgement of others that make some emotions good and the others bad. Anger is an emotions that I speak about a great deal is Season so Change because it shows up in nature as well. Earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanos, can all be classified as natures way of expressing its emotions. The key is that nature shows us constantly that it is imperative that we allow our emotions to flow rather than trying to hold on to the ones we deemed as good and release the ones that we deem as bad. Anger is often labeled as a bad emotion, yet when we allow our emotions to flow it is often anger than allows us move from despair, to frustration, or regret. We do this by allowing the emotions to flow through us rather than trying to suppress them or hide them.

Much of western philosophy is suppression, or avoidance, which has caused a great many disasters or dis-ease of their own. I feel the sign of emotionally intelligence is when I am aware of the many emotions that I have an allow them to flow through my life. That it is usually my resistance to some emotions that actually pulls me off course. If I would allow myself to feel the emotion I would find that most often I move from one to another with ease and that it is quiet fluid. It is often despair that helps me to enjoy joy more. It is my sadness that allows me to embrace the heights of happiness. It is my willingness to experience the feeling at hand that allow me to become comfortable living within my own skin. Learning to embrace my emotions and allowing them to flow is actually how I start living in the first place. Yes, emotions with lower frequency can be scary and it may feel like we are going to get trapped within them forever. When in fact by allowing them fluidity of movement through our lives we allow ourselves to embrace the thorny parts so that when we get to the fruit of life it is all the sweeter in contrast. Much like the blackberry.

I love you,

Thank you,

Rev Allen 

The key is I am always creating.

Day 73: Mosquitoes

Most often, repetition is what brings about change in our lives. For instance if I wake up one morning and stretch it won't have a huge impact on my life, but if I get up every morning and stretch I will find that within 21 days I have created a habit that will transform my life if I continue on that path. Often times I will do something for a period of time, create a habit, stop, then create a new habit of inactivity.

Get STUCK!

Buy real-estate and live there with the mindset that stretching really doesn't help at all.

The key is I am always creating.

When I was a young child living in the rural south we didn't have air-conditioning. I know that sound barbaric, and yet it was the life experience that I had. Due to the heat of the summers we would sleep with our windows open in the chance that a cool breeze might blow through to cool us down. As you can imagine that allowed mosquitoes to find their way into our lives. I can assure you from personal experience that one mosquito can have a field day in one night. I cannot begin to tell you the mornings I would wake up covered in mosquito bites.

What is the life lesson here? How many things have we picked up something new for a couple days felt better and laid it back down again? Return to the old feelings only to then say it didn't work. We do this time and time again. We will pay a great deal of money to see a life coach, therapist, personal trainer, gym memberships and then beat ourselves up for not following through. Often what has really happened is that we set ourselves up for failure with the idea that we can create this massive change in our lives overnight. I know that when I started my first gym membership years ago I got a trainer because I didn't have any idea what to do. He asks me what my goals were and I told him. He asked me if I was committed to follow through? I said yes. He then asked me what I was willing to do everyday of the next two weeks. I stated this enormous goal, and he replied. You are setting yourself up for failure. Choose something that is doable. Start there and build your way up. Best advice ever.

I got up each morning before I had breakfast and walked for 15 minutes. That is what I did for the two weeks. What I know today is that I had yet to create a habit. The good news is that I stuck with it for 8 months added in exercising 3 times a week, and monitoring what I ate and lost more than 70 pounds. Something that I know today is a result of creating a new habit and sticking with it. I lived my life this way for years and maintained the lifestyle that I wanted.

We are always creating. The key is what are we willing to create and stay with? It is great to jump start our lives with some amazing retreat, worship, or book yet the real transformation happens over time consistently doing the same thing over and over again. Start now. Live the life that you have dreamed of living. What is it that you are willing to do for 21 days? Do that, if you feel it is working continue on the path. If not, start something new and do that for 21 days. Once you find the thing that make your spirit come alive keep doing that thing consistently. Just like the mosquito you too will find that you will have a great impact on your life.

I love you,

Thank you,

Rev Allen 

I am powerful!

Day 72: Gnats

When added up these small shifts will bring about the transformation desired.

This passage is one that I live each day that I choose to do my daily work. It is amazing how easy it is to do this work and yet I can also find one million reasons or things to divert me from this work. As someone who understands that it is the law of abundance that is responsible for creating abundance in my life, not mine. I also undersand that I have more power than I have yet to tap into. One of the great lessons I have gleaned from this knowledge is that as I do my work daily and discover this truth at a deeper level it is much easier for me to accept the abundance that life has to offer me. Each day when I wake up is a miracle and what exactly caused that to happen. For more than 35 years of my life, I have not used an alarm clock. I simple remind my body and the universe at that time I wish to awake. I have never been late for one meeting or missed any time that I have set internally. I realized long ago that there is a creative force in the universe that is working with me for my good. Each day when I align with that truth its shown up for me. It works for me because I have used it over and over again and have built a relationship with it. Why then do I sometimes struggle with the law of abundance?

One of the reasons I choose to do this work on a daily basis is about setting aside the time needed to go within. When I read this passage that I wrote in this book more than a year ago, it reminded me of the laws of nature that applies to my life daily. I understand these laws exist and yet the more I do this work the more I am open to the laws of nature applying to me as well. How many times in life do I say to myself that who am I to make a difference in the world? Who am I to help bring about a change? I am only one person what difference can I make in the world? Yet I can spend two minutes with a gnat and be irritated to the point of screaming. Today I know that size has nothing to do with the impact I can have in the world. I know that here is this amazing creature the gnat who gets its power in the world. What would happen if I focused on just that one law of nature? Size has nothing to do with the effect that I can have on the world. When I know my power within and align with the laws of nature I can create anything I desire.

I have proven this in so many ways in my day to day life. I use the laws of nature everyday. I either align with it or I push against it. Either way I am working with the law. The same is true for the law of abundance. Why do I read this book everyday? Because something magical happens to me when I do. Each day the world is telling us so many things like fear, anxiety, hatred, and lack. While at the same time I have this wonderful law of nature that assures me this isn't true. Yet, I choose time and time again to believe something that is not true because I am unwilling to surround myself with the truth and do this simple work.

I am filled with power of nature to create the life I want to live now.  I am powerful!

I love you,

Thank you,

Rev Allen 

Be STILL!

Day 71: Geysers

"I understand to live joyously with others its best to love, value, and appreciate who I am at my core. In doing so, I can negotiate, navigate, and know the limits of my boundaries, which will serve me in making decisions that affect the whole."

I love this phrase above from the today reading in Season of Change. Over the past two plus weeks, I have experienced some health challenges. I have found myself without a voice. Those of you who knows me, you know that is pretty significant. To say that I am a verbal communicator is to say the very least about me. One of the things I ask all of my clients is "How do you learn?" A great many of us learn through pain, some through struggles, some adversity, and some from physical or health challenges. I think you can see where I am going with this.

How we learn is how we learn, and the sooner we become aware of how we learn we can then find the road map to listen and look for the signs along the way. Two weeks ago, I visited with my mentor and one of the things that come forward for me in that session was the fact I was feeling burned out. I have always been the person who is willing to give 150% of myself to any project that I take on. I love that about myself. It is important to note that today I understand the need for balance. I am also aware that many times we take on more than we have or need too.

One of the greatest lessons that I have learned over the last two weeks is that it does indeed get done. I was able to call on two dear friends who stepped up and spoke in my absence at Amor. My beloved led the treatment calls and another wonderful friend led meditation. I had expressed to my mentor that many times I feel as if I am doing things alone. What I know to be true today is that some of that is by choice.

Realizing that I learn through health challenge has allowed me to look at the signs along the way. When I fractured my foot, it was because I was unwilling to ask for help with the decor for the holidays two years ago. Which led to me wearing a boot for 8 to 10 weeks and being unable to move around with ease and grace. During my cancer experience is where I learned to love myself at my core. The lesson I am learning in this time of silence is "Be STILL!" Be still long enough to allow something, or someone to come forward. Be still long enough to allow the things you want to appear without you having to do them. Be still and listen to the voice of your soul. Be still and allow the silence to speak wisdom to you.

Each of us learns our own ways. That is a good thing. Once we know how we learn we then have found our learning curve and can better work with it. Learning to be still and allow the wonders of the universe to show up for me this last two weeks had been a challenge for me. Yet today I sit here with the knowledge that has helped propel me forward and I am very grateful for that. Look at me learning something new.

I love you,

Thank you,

Rev Allen 

Unless I Allow It

Day 70: Eclipse

I love this line from the Eclipse reading in "Seasons of Change" today. 

"Often in my need to feel included or have a sense of belonging I believe that there is only one path that can be taken.  Mine!" 

I think of the numerous times, I have wanted someone else to evolve so that I can be happy. How many times I have said or heard that if they would grow up or behave differently everything would be alright! We have created a social environment based on being wronged by others. A time and place where we are unable, or unwilling to take responsibility for our growth, evolution, and transformation. I myself held on to my victim status most of my adult life. It was so easy to go back to the same bag of tricks and pull out the same old thing and say "well, if this hadn't happened to me when I was a kid then I wouldn't be this way." Please understand me when I say that I get that we have traumas in our lives. The lesson of me was in the embracing of the experience that created my growth, allowed me to take my power back, and stand proud. 

A great deal of my life I held a belief that all of the problems of my life were based on the fact that these things happened to me. What I want to live at a deeper level is when we put the power outside of ourselve it is at those moments we create a world in which we are disempowered. When we find the courage within to take responsibility for all of our lives, it is in that moments we have the most power in our lives. 

When I was bullied at school from the 3rd, to 12th grade for being sensitive, a queer, a fagot. At the time, all I knew was the hurt and pain of being outside the circle of fitting in. I felt like I was the only person in the world like myself. I am the only person in the world just like me, and sometimes that scares folks a great deal. I didn't realize until years later that what I have been offering throughout my life has always been a space of unconditional love and a safe space for others. What I see and know to be true for myself today is that several of the bullies that I had a child were in fact being bullied, and abused at home. One of the my primary bullies is no longer living that sadden's my heart that they didn't find the safe space they needed to heal. 

I didn't understand the impact that sexual abuse would have on my life and how it would impact almost every aspect of my life. Having the courage to say as a young man that you were sexually abused, and raped takes enormous courage and strength. Our desire to fit in or be accepted has us willing to accept a great many criminal acts as hazing, and social norms. What I want us to understand here today is that having power in the face of those event to know that this is not who I am. That even though this terrible thing has happened to me it dose not define me or the brilliance and the beauty that I hold within. That I get to say how this effects me, not someone esle. 

Once I begin to find that courage within myself regardless of the outside circumstances was the moment I took my power back. When my parents first found out about the things that happened to me. They had their own process. What we don't see and understand it that when we find the courage within ourselves to know that we are bigger than the situation in our lives. When we begin to breathe power into our words, we step through the door to freedom. We have an Eclipse moment in our lives. My parents had to deal with the fact that they felt they had let me down and wasn't there for me. This showed up in words like "Son. You have to defend yourself." "Son, these are some very strong allegations. Do you have proof?" When people are hurting or as I say in deficit they say things that will help them feel better. We often don't know what to say in times like these so we do the best we can. 

It is so easy in those moments to give up the newly found power and play small so that others don't have to suffer. If we choose that path know this. It is no longer the people who bullied us that are making us feel small and less than.  It is ourselves. 

So many times we choose to go back to the victimhood of our past and step over the fact that we are responsible for how we allow things to emotionally affect us. Once I became aware of the pain of the past and remember the traumatic events of my childhood and youth. I began to rebuild a world in which I was responsible for the things that I allowed into my life. Was this an over night process? NO! I found the help that I needed to rebuild, reenforce my foundation, and I moved forward at a pace that served me. I unpacked each addiction, each emotional piece of baggage that I had and asked it some serious questions. Are you still true? Do you represent who I am, and what I believe? Have I taken back all the power I had given you or allowed to be taken from me?

For me it took some life threatening events that gave me the courage to look at who I was and stand up for myself. Today I know that it is those moments that allowed me to have the Eclipse experience in my life that has forever transformed who I see myself as. Once I had the courage to do that the rest came along is short order. It was having the courage to take responsibility for who I am.  Yes! Some traumatic things happened. The real question for me today is will I allow them to define me or will I show instead who I really am.  Over the last few months I have had the privilege to live this truth out loud. I am very pleased to say that today I get who I AM! I get that who I am make a difference. I get that what others do, say, or intent have nothing to do with me unless I allow it. 

I love you, 

Thank you

Rev Allen 

What would a day filled with taking in as much beauty as you can look like?

Day 69: Frogs,

What would a day filled with taking in as much beauty as you can look like?

Haven wrote this book well over a year ago it was easy to forget some of the things that I had written about. It is very easy to find favorites and the not so favorites. What I realize today is that when I do that I am judging one against another. Just like I stated yesterday, I realize the more completely that I do this journey the deeper my path becomes and the more I want to stick to it. Why would I want to read this book one day at a time over and over again? Why would I want to invest my time and energy into going deeper into my interconnectedness with the divine whole?

In life, we are taught to compare and compete with others over and over again. In fact, the America's was founded on competition, and having a winner and loser. What happens when we step out past that and find the place that allows us to be the best version of ourselves and allow others to do the same. When I connect with my "Mind/Body/Soul" experience that begins to happen at a deeper level. The longer I do this work the deeper I go. Think about this for a minute, you are digging a hole. You can dig a few feet and stop or you can did some today, some tomorrow, and some the next day. When I try to do it all at once I get bored, I lose focus and most often quite. When I take the time to do a litter each day I do not have a resistance to the work and it is much easier to take in. In fact, I know that I can stop when ever I feel it is right. When I am competing with someone or something I am afraid to follow my feelings out of fear of losing. When, like the frog I take in what I can today and move to the next spot and do the same. I find that I evolve at a much greater level.

I am asked all the time what is the difference? I read the book. I dig the hole. The work is the same? When I am exposed to something over time, I absorb it a bit at the time. It is like when you were in school and you had a major test. You could study over time and become the work, or you could cram the night before and hope that you got the parts needed. Most of us live from the mentality of the latter. With a simple shift in this one area in which you take smaller steps each day it is really the practice of being still and recognizing the beauty in everything. The real gift is when we begin to recognize it within ourselves as well.

Take some time and embrace your inner frog. Sit, be still, and know! You are deeply loved and supported by the universe.

Thank you,

I love you,

Rev Allen