You are WORTHY!

Day 77 Ivy:

In today's reading, I mentioned several life lessons that I learned from my experience while cleaning and ivy bed. One of those life lessons is "the lesson is always waiting to be revealed in every opportunity in life." Another is "I am worth the investment." One of the common denominators throughout my life was the willingness on my part to see that I was worth the investment. A great deal of my life I've been told by others and that I was disposable, unlovable, and worthless. I took this to be my truth for a great number of years which led me to live a life where I felt unlovable, unworthy, and as if I had no value. As I said to you many times before it took me a great deal of time to understanding that what someone else had done to me was part of my history, yet I was the one who continued to play this belief in my mind over and over again.

So much of my life I put all of the blame for every situation outside of myself. I've shared this truth with you before, yet feel the necessity to reiterate the importance of understanding the lesson that lies underneath it. Living in victim consciousness created such a horrific life's journey for me. Day after day my life was calling on me to reveal the unknown truth underneath all of those horrific things. My life was calling me to my higher consciousness. My higher self was calling for me to reveal the truth of who I was rather than live in the limited version that someone else had written for me. Time and time, again I would invite people into my life that would ensure that I continued the self-hatred, and self-loathing that I had learned all of those years ago.

I wish to express today that each step along the way was necessary for me to evolve into the person that I am today. There were more times than I can count where I ask myself is all of this worth it? Whether or not I would ever find love, happiness, and contentment? There were lonely nights of crying myself to sleep wondering what the river of tears ever end? There were endless questions of why does this continue to happen to me? There were the endless questions of why I invited this into my life? I do not know whether some of you have asked these questions of yourself or not? I'm guessing a great many of you have. It was when I started recognizing that there was this common central theme in all of the stories, that I began to understand my responsibility, and the opportunity at hand.

I begin to see that I was the common theme in each of the story lines. I was at the same time the victim and the villain. I no longer required someone to abuse me because I was abusing myself. I no longer needed someone to say I was worthless because I was telling that to myself. I no longer needed someone to tell me that my life would never amount to anything because I was so busy telling that to myself. I created this inward hell within my life. On the outside my world was brilliant, beautiful, perfect! Yet inside my world was crumbling and the very fibers of my being we're coming unraveled. My health began to decline and once again I found myself asking why? Time and again these health issues would arise making every possible effort to disclose the opportunity to rebuild, remodel, and restore my life. Yet I was so stuck in the belief pattern of unworthiness that I found myself unwilling to take the risk.

When I heard the diagnosis of aides followed within a few years of cancer I become willing to listen. As I've shared before in the journals within this book it was this cancer diagnosis that allowed me to crack the seed of possibility open within my life. It was a time of truth for me. It was the moment of self discovery. This life lesson had been waiting for me to discover that I was worth the investment. I was willing to walk through my fear to discover the brilliance of who I am. Through this journey I discovered how amazing, lovable, worthy I was of having everything that I had ever dreamed of and more. Were there moments where I questioned my worth, or where I was afraid? Absolutely! Yet, this new found freedom of worth and sefl loving was exhilarating and I continued the journey regardless of the destination. Somewhere within the two years of chemotherapy, endless CT scans, steroids, weight gain, endless surgeries I discovered how to love who I am.

Please understand me when I declare that it was worth every step of the journey. Somewhere in the midst of all of that I found Joy! I discovered that I was lovable and worthy of love. I discovered that I had a value. I discovered that loving myself was the best foundation of building any relationship based in love. It was through these series of life lessons that I learned that my life was not only worth living it was a giant beacon for everyone that I have ever met of self validation, and self worth. It was through this series of events that I understood at the deepest core level that my life was worth the investment. What had once been pristine and beautiful on the outside was now in utter chaos. Yet what had once been unraveling and on the brink of to extinction was now the solid foundation I needed to restore myself to wholeness. It was right at this moment that I understood as within, so without.

If you're reading this today, understand this. You are worthy! You deserve a life filled with love, compassion, more abundance than you could possibly hold. You are in the perfect place at this moment, reading this passage to begin the journey of your life. tYou can create an endless river of love within your life. You are WORTHY!

I love you,

Thank you,

Rev. Allen