I have always loved the water, being in the pool, ocean, creek. Yet there was something about a river that really scared me. It was dark and mysterious, and as a child I was taught to fear the river. How often I have found my hidden beliefs to show up as fear. My fears of the unknown keeping me frozen in a state of panic, and isolation. I remember going canoeing with a friend filled with fear of drowning. I didn't learn to swim as a child and the fear showed up the most in rivers. I couldn't see the bottom like I could in the pool, and I could feel the bottom of the ocean even if I couldn't see it. My need to control people, places, and things made my life a living hell. I was fearful of anyone who wanted to give me anything. Yet I spend more of my life giving myself away so that other would love me. All the time being unwilling to allow the love being offered. Today I know that river of abundance is very much like life. Deep, mysterious, unknown, and it can be scary until you realize it is safe, loving and abundant. We have to be willing to receive what it has to offer in order to allow it to flow through us.
Day 30: River, what would it feel like if you allow this divine river with all of its abundance to flow in your life? What would it feel like to know that every need you have to be being supplied? What would it feel like not to have to know the how?
The first experience I had with this abundant river was 26 years ago. I was in an energy therapy session and my therapist guided me to this river. At the time, I couldn't imagine that this was possible. It took years of working with this understanding to get that I am part of a divine whole that is expressing itself through me. It wasn't until I started researching this book, and really living in the understanding of how nature works that the river become real for me.
A great deal of my life has been spent being self sufficient and self fulfilling. The only flow that I would allow into my life was that which I created. To say that I needed to know how and where something came from would be an understatement. I wanted to be loved and yet I was unwilling to allow anyone in to love me. The hidden belief under it all was I didn't believe I was worthy of love. I didn't even love myself at the time. I didn't understand until I opened up my soul and allow love to flow through me that I am the divine river that flows. I am part of a divine whole that is being expressed through me. I am worthy of good and that I don't have to create it, earn it, or beg for it. It is always available to me. I have to be willing to receive what it is being giving to me in order to allow it in to my life.
For years I would stand in the river of abundance watching it flowing around me, and yet I was so blocked that I would not allow it to flow through me. I would get in, and get out. I would splash around so that others could see me while inside the river. Yet I would be thinking I am not worthy of receiving abundance. I would think what is the catch, no one gives you anything for free.
Through doing my internal work and opening my mind, body, soul from the inside has allowed me to receive more than ever before. Today I know that as I open up more I can receive more. As I allow the deep cool water of love, and life to flow through me fulfilling itself that I live the abundant life. I don't need to know how it works today, only that it does. Are you willing to get into the river of abundance today and stay long enough to receive what you want and need?
I love you,
Rev Allen
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